Two months – that’s how long it took me to realise that the most decent outlet of overwhelming emotions is the ugly act of crying. You see, it was sometime in September that I opened this blog page. I had only a name for it. But nothing to write about. And maybe that happens to everyone once in a while but it was a night ago that I learned how tightly concealed my mind was and that in fact was the reason it took me this long to let words out and reattach myself to this little activity we all call blogging.
I read somewhere that sometimes, crying or laughing are the only options left with us. I tried to hold on to the laughing part. For as long as I could! But after being kicked in the shin repeatedly for two months, as I tried avoiding the evil from pouring out, I gave in.
I started writing with The Idler Channel. It was a glorious time in 2015. I was fresh out of college with a couple of content writing jobs in hand earning me (however little) something to feel proud about. I longed at the time to finally land my dream job and with feelings of frustration, idleness, confusion (or so I thought) and everything else I really can’t think of right now, I started blogging.
The last piece I wrote was when a company (not my dream job) rejected me. It took me two years to realise that it wasn’t frustration, confusion or anything else that got me to start writing in the first place. Instead, these were feelings that made me stop.
About a month later (in March 2016), the unbelievable happened. Yes, I landed my dream job. Who needed to write then, I thought. I have a full time job where all I need to do is write, write and write; and a year and a half later, it’s what I’m still doing. But the need to WRITE remains.
Since The Idler Channel, I have learned that change is a bitch, growing up sucks and sometimes the people you love go to a better place and all you can do, is give in to the act of crying to make up for that loss.
So what’s this all about? Why am I here again? That’s a question that could easily have a plethora of answers (which may seem to make appearances in my subsequent posts). I’d like to venture one because as I am writing this first post on my new page, I can’t encourage myself to stop.
In the beginning I said, it took me two months to realise that crying is the most decent outlet of emotions. The two months culminated into last night when I (so to sound a bit heroic) decided to face my emotions instead of telling them “Dumbasses, just settle down for bit!”
I cried. For a while. And what it showed me was a neat arrangement of all my emotions, laid out there in front of me. Each of them waiting their turn to explain themselves to me. I waited patiently as they all presented their cases. At the end my verdict was – I need to get back to writing.
I always thought that it would take something extremely profound to get me restarted on the blogosphere. But turns out, I just needed a little detoxification. A complete clean-up of my system. Because maybe when grief hits you, and I mean grief not depression, you sometimes have to respect its space and let it out the way it wants to, instead of forcing your way on it.
Here’s to a decent outlet 🙂